Dreams, Journeys, Religion, and the New Year
As a habit, I tend not to talk about sex, politics or religion. In this entry, I discuss two of the taboos involved so if you are a judgemental person, this is not the entry for you...I repeat, this blog is for me to get things out of my head...so if I offend you, that is not my intention.
Last night I had a dream...which is rare for me. True, that technically I always have dreams but it is rare that I remember them in the morning. The dream involved my first wife and the "weird" relationship we had. My wife and I met in the Air Force when she arrive on base as my subordinate and I was assigned to provide orientation. Loring AFB, ME had a male to female ratio of about 11:1. For a hormone flowing 19 year old 4 hours North of the nearest "major" city (Bangor), this was pure torture. So when a female arrives on base, the swarm of men immediately descend.
Teresa Lynn Somers (real name) was a short red headed spitfire with high intelligence and eyes that were bad enough to think I looked good. In an effort to eliminate the competition and ensure my hormones stayed in balance, we moved off based and married 3 weeks after her initial arrival. Additionally, at that time, the military gave military married to military extra allowance for quarters (housing) and sustenance (food).
Teri and I had to tell our current long distance relationships that is was over and I called my girlfriend of over a year and she called her girlfriend of over a year. Yes...that is the "weird" relationship part. We had fun, hardships, challenges, near slugouts, and victories, but when it was all said and done, we had each other.
That was until she came down with cancer of the Uterus. Everything changed and in retrospect, I think that my choices may have been a catalyst to the end of her life. Teri fought the cancer. After starving because she couldn't keep food down, she went to the doctor and found out she had to have a full hysterectomy. In the process, she lost her job at the same company I was working and I had to find a much better paying job off of the Eastern Shore to support her inability to work and the 3 children. So I found a job in Washington DC and commuted back and forth every weekend. It was not the easiest way to make a living but the two of us had been in worse situations before.
Her surgery was successful and from what the tests all said, they had removed it all. About 2 months later, Teri informed me that she could not be intimate with me any longer and that I should start dating again. This threw me for a loop...on one hand I was terrified about the idea of having to date. The whole process seemed painful. In retrospect, I think this was the decision point, that changed our lives. I could have stayed in the relationship and just continued to have Teri bring partners to the bedroom to curb the need for intimacy, but instead, I took her advice and learned to date again (http://www.n8iv.net/2006/01/meeting-of-two-minds.html).
Teri moved on and had relationships with women as well. She had her ups and down and I could see the depression kicking in. She informed me months later that she was involved with someone and that she was seeing a counselor for her depression.
On May 26, 1999, Teresa Lynn Somers commited suicide using a plastic bag over her head.
In her back pocket was a paper from her "counselor" that read:
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."
1 Corinthians 6:11 - "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."
Leviticus 18:22 - "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable."
Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."
Romans 1:26-27 - "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion."
Religion...at what point is it a good thing to end a person's life for religion? There are wars all over the world that have been and continue to be over religion. Is this really the journey we were sent down here for? Secondly, how helpful was the counseling when it contributed to ending that persons life? Is that successful? aren't counselors suppose to prevent suicide?
This same counselor showed up at Teri's funeral. Fifty million things ran through my head about what I wanted to tell her after she said "I was Teresa's couselor. I am sorry for your loss." Instead, I thanked her and moved on to the next person. I really wanted to tell her what I felt, but instead I thought about the children and rised above it. My thoughts were not going to change her steadfast beliefs and I wasn't ready to completely deal with my emotions.
This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Don't have regrets. I don't have a single regret about any of my decisions in life. First of all, it wouldn't do me any good to regret a decision. Life is about the journey, and not about the end. If that were the case we would all be striving toward death. That seems rather counterproductive doesn't it? Don't forget to live life. Nothing is set in stone...well, except for the pyramids and that lion/human sphinx...and those Aztec pyramids...and maybe the earth's crust, but other than that.
Lastly, Happy New Year! May your journey be fun!
Last night I had a dream...which is rare for me. True, that technically I always have dreams but it is rare that I remember them in the morning. The dream involved my first wife and the "weird" relationship we had. My wife and I met in the Air Force when she arrive on base as my subordinate and I was assigned to provide orientation. Loring AFB, ME had a male to female ratio of about 11:1. For a hormone flowing 19 year old 4 hours North of the nearest "major" city (Bangor), this was pure torture. So when a female arrives on base, the swarm of men immediately descend.
Teresa Lynn Somers (real name) was a short red headed spitfire with high intelligence and eyes that were bad enough to think I looked good. In an effort to eliminate the competition and ensure my hormones stayed in balance, we moved off based and married 3 weeks after her initial arrival. Additionally, at that time, the military gave military married to military extra allowance for quarters (housing) and sustenance (food).
Teri and I had to tell our current long distance relationships that is was over and I called my girlfriend of over a year and she called her girlfriend of over a year. Yes...that is the "weird" relationship part. We had fun, hardships, challenges, near slugouts, and victories, but when it was all said and done, we had each other.
That was until she came down with cancer of the Uterus. Everything changed and in retrospect, I think that my choices may have been a catalyst to the end of her life. Teri fought the cancer. After starving because she couldn't keep food down, she went to the doctor and found out she had to have a full hysterectomy. In the process, she lost her job at the same company I was working and I had to find a much better paying job off of the Eastern Shore to support her inability to work and the 3 children. So I found a job in Washington DC and commuted back and forth every weekend. It was not the easiest way to make a living but the two of us had been in worse situations before.
Her surgery was successful and from what the tests all said, they had removed it all. About 2 months later, Teri informed me that she could not be intimate with me any longer and that I should start dating again. This threw me for a loop...on one hand I was terrified about the idea of having to date. The whole process seemed painful. In retrospect, I think this was the decision point, that changed our lives. I could have stayed in the relationship and just continued to have Teri bring partners to the bedroom to curb the need for intimacy, but instead, I took her advice and learned to date again (http://www.n8iv.net/2006/01/meeting-of-two-minds.html).
Teri moved on and had relationships with women as well. She had her ups and down and I could see the depression kicking in. She informed me months later that she was involved with someone and that she was seeing a counselor for her depression.
On May 26, 1999, Teresa Lynn Somers commited suicide using a plastic bag over her head.
In her back pocket was a paper from her "counselor" that read:
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."
1 Corinthians 6:11 - "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."
Leviticus 18:22 - "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable."
Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."
Romans 1:26-27 - "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion."
Religion...at what point is it a good thing to end a person's life for religion? There are wars all over the world that have been and continue to be over religion. Is this really the journey we were sent down here for? Secondly, how helpful was the counseling when it contributed to ending that persons life? Is that successful? aren't counselors suppose to prevent suicide?
This same counselor showed up at Teri's funeral. Fifty million things ran through my head about what I wanted to tell her after she said "I was Teresa's couselor. I am sorry for your loss." Instead, I thanked her and moved on to the next person. I really wanted to tell her what I felt, but instead I thought about the children and rised above it. My thoughts were not going to change her steadfast beliefs and I wasn't ready to completely deal with my emotions.
This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Don't have regrets. I don't have a single regret about any of my decisions in life. First of all, it wouldn't do me any good to regret a decision. Life is about the journey, and not about the end. If that were the case we would all be striving toward death. That seems rather counterproductive doesn't it? Don't forget to live life. Nothing is set in stone...well, except for the pyramids and that lion/human sphinx...and those Aztec pyramids...and maybe the earth's crust, but other than that.
Lastly, Happy New Year! May your journey be fun!
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