Going Back

First thing tomorrow morning, I slide back into my truck and start the long drive back to Virginia. The drive itself is somewhat exhasting, but it is not the worst part. I am leaving the family...again. Another month in solitude and bad traffic.

Shae made a comment that I should stay. That one comment went to the core of my being and I now bleed profusely with regret. These last few days have been much like a bittersweet chocolate (life is like a box of chocolates), I have really enjoyed my time with the family, and I am really dreading my imminent time away.

I want to stay. But as I told Shae, I have to make money. Her response was "I don't need money." Oh, foolish soon-to-be high school graduate.

I have discovered a few things about myself while being here. I have uncovered my own likes and dislikes. The Queen tells me that I often adapt to whomever I am with at that particular moment and that my true self is never really showing. Hmmm...she may be onto something. Since being away, I have discovered the music I like independent from my family. I have enjoyed cooking my dinner, washing my clothes...basically feeling like I accomplished something.

This need to accomplish something seems to be my issue. I have always judged how my life was by how I am doing in my career. I have determined where I am by what I have. I have been fighting and climbing for approval...approval on who I am...approval on where I am...from my friends and my family.

All I really want right now is to be home with my family. I want to know them...and I want my family to finally meet me. The real me. Not the Dad that they expect, or the husband I am suppose to be, but the real me.

Instead, I am driving back to Virginia. I will drive the terrible commute to work, and on the way home stop at my second job and work again. Maybe if I keep very busy, I will not slip into a depressive state. Also, I could use the money for the holiday.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Take inventory of your life. Find out what you are missing or would miss and fill it. Things are not the legacy, how you live is.

Did you know...

9.5 percent of the population suffer from depression.

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