Without Direction

Throughout my life I have always “gone for a...” bike ride, walk, or drive. It went so far that the kids didn’t want to go on bike rides or walks, and both of the wives have had to place parameters for a drive. I often ended up doing these things by myself. Even now, I go for a ride to attempt to clear my head and listen to my own music. 

This year changes everything. The bike rides stopped many years ago. I don’t even own a bike anymore and my divvy bike membership I let go because I wasn’t using it enough. My walks continued, but I don’t have that as an easy option any longer now that everything is locked down and masks are more for my safety than anything. 

Then there are drives. I still take drives although they are shorter than before. Trying to stay in the car to avoid contact with people does nothing but stiffen my joints and shrink my already minuscule buttocks. That relief of getting away from my current environment to balance out my need for trees, or need for people, has definitely impacted my quality of life. 

Now winter approaches. Today, Chicago is expecting snow. This suggests even if I did leave the city, I can expect risks associated with driving in windy, snowy conditions which does the exact opposite from the effect I am after. 

How do I combat this dark world lingering on the outer edge of my being? Is it time for chemical supplements? I hate the idea that I have reached the point that I need to do this for mental health. Once I start the treatment, I cannot come off it and that is why I am concerned with the idea. If COVID is only going to be a thing until June or so... do I try to avoid jumping back on the emotionally numbing pills, or do I find new distractions that ... oh, hell, I don’t know. 

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