Let Loose
I think I have gained control of my life again. Granted it did take the help of some drugs, a shrink, and my family, but I think I have gained some perspective on some things.
First, I am not my job title. This is actually a big turning point for me. My wife has always considered me the overacheiver. She claims that the fact I am adopted, my father committed suicide, my brother committed suicide, and lastly my first wife committed suicide, that I have abandonment issues. So, for my entire life, I have fought and pushed myself to climb to the top of the corporate ladder.
What do I mean? Well, I am a Native American male without a college education that grew up in a rather poor family. Even in school, I always pushed to be the best. I was in theater as the Artful Dodger. I was in Music (Band and Chorus) and received the Illinois Outstanding Soloist award and the National Music Honor Award. After receiving scholarship opportunities for music, I determined that music was not a career and joined the Air Force for 4 years. I wanted to learn how to work on fighter jets. Instead they stuck me into "telephone and data circuitry" (whatever that is). How fortuitous it was that telephone and data communications would be the next big thing.
As the technology field transformed, I realized that I needed to transform with it and absorb as much as possible to continue to climb the ladder. After co-owning a company, and dealing with the trials and tribulations associated with owning a small business with 27 employees, I also found out that the waiting for cash to come into the company was harder than getting the opportunities. So, we sold it.
Ever since, I have been fighting to get back to the top of a company that somebody ELSE owns. What have I learned? Think about your happiness and the happiness of the people important to you...not your job title. When you have departed this world, your job title will be a line. How you lived life...will be immortality.
Second, find out who you are. In my solidarity in Virginia, I have found out that I like some things that my Queen does not. I listen to different music. I like watching Deal or No Deal (they had Hanson on there yesterday). I like walking around the city...Chicago mostly, but I believe any city has a certain beauty. I am discovering myself again after being my wife's husband after all this time.
She has even confirmed this. She informed me that I have become interesting again...and that I don't take the things she wants or like and steal it. She hates it when I take her passions and run with it. I understand now.
Last, let loose and have fun. Having fun has always been a gray area for me. On the train, I had fun, but I have to admit it was not the best think for me. I increased my alcohol content by 10,000 fold and I often lost my composure in situations I should have avoided. This is partly chemical and also has something to do with the overachieving mentioned earlier.
This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). I need to find out what is fun. Now that I have had a chance to figure out how to handle my life, I need to figure out how to have fun without hurting myself or others. The Queen says to make friends (male friends). Problem one...I tend not to like the male ego a whole lot (probably some sort of reflective therapy is needed here) and I am not a big fan of sports...except hockey or the Chicago Bears! In fact, the only real manly man thing I do is listen to Maxim radio in my pickup truck. But I listen to laugh.
A friend of mine, a tall white skinny South African, seemed to have the method to have fun. In the same way I tend to write, he tends to express himself through abstract walking. We would be walking down the sidewalk and somehow the topic of zygotes came up. He spontaneously threw both of his hands over his head and ran around us bent down.
"I am a SPERM looking for an EGG!" he exclaimed in the middle of downtown Washington DC.
As we walked down the graded sidewalk to lunch, he gradually picked up the pace to an all out run and slammed into the bus stand spread eagle. He continued to wiggle against the clear covered bus stand attempting to "enter the egg."
The expression of the people sitting IN the bus stand was not only one of WTF and fear, but of disgust. Because from their angle I can only imagine it looked like my South African friend was humping the glass.
OK...maybe I won't go that far. Maybe I will just go play pool.
Did you know...
Curitiba, Brazil has the best designed bus system in the world. They have approximately 1,100 buses carrying 1.3 million passengers per day. The roads have dedicated busways to ensure on time delivery of the passengers.
First, I am not my job title. This is actually a big turning point for me. My wife has always considered me the overacheiver. She claims that the fact I am adopted, my father committed suicide, my brother committed suicide, and lastly my first wife committed suicide, that I have abandonment issues. So, for my entire life, I have fought and pushed myself to climb to the top of the corporate ladder.
What do I mean? Well, I am a Native American male without a college education that grew up in a rather poor family. Even in school, I always pushed to be the best. I was in theater as the Artful Dodger. I was in Music (Band and Chorus) and received the Illinois Outstanding Soloist award and the National Music Honor Award. After receiving scholarship opportunities for music, I determined that music was not a career and joined the Air Force for 4 years. I wanted to learn how to work on fighter jets. Instead they stuck me into "telephone and data circuitry" (whatever that is). How fortuitous it was that telephone and data communications would be the next big thing.
As the technology field transformed, I realized that I needed to transform with it and absorb as much as possible to continue to climb the ladder. After co-owning a company, and dealing with the trials and tribulations associated with owning a small business with 27 employees, I also found out that the waiting for cash to come into the company was harder than getting the opportunities. So, we sold it.
Ever since, I have been fighting to get back to the top of a company that somebody ELSE owns. What have I learned? Think about your happiness and the happiness of the people important to you...not your job title. When you have departed this world, your job title will be a line. How you lived life...will be immortality.
Second, find out who you are. In my solidarity in Virginia, I have found out that I like some things that my Queen does not. I listen to different music. I like watching Deal or No Deal (they had Hanson on there yesterday). I like walking around the city...Chicago mostly, but I believe any city has a certain beauty. I am discovering myself again after being my wife's husband after all this time.
She has even confirmed this. She informed me that I have become interesting again...and that I don't take the things she wants or like and steal it. She hates it when I take her passions and run with it. I understand now.
Last, let loose and have fun. Having fun has always been a gray area for me. On the train, I had fun, but I have to admit it was not the best think for me. I increased my alcohol content by 10,000 fold and I often lost my composure in situations I should have avoided. This is partly chemical and also has something to do with the overachieving mentioned earlier.
This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). I need to find out what is fun. Now that I have had a chance to figure out how to handle my life, I need to figure out how to have fun without hurting myself or others. The Queen says to make friends (male friends). Problem one...I tend not to like the male ego a whole lot (probably some sort of reflective therapy is needed here) and I am not a big fan of sports...except hockey or the Chicago Bears! In fact, the only real manly man thing I do is listen to Maxim radio in my pickup truck. But I listen to laugh.
A friend of mine, a tall white skinny South African, seemed to have the method to have fun. In the same way I tend to write, he tends to express himself through abstract walking. We would be walking down the sidewalk and somehow the topic of zygotes came up. He spontaneously threw both of his hands over his head and ran around us bent down.
"I am a SPERM looking for an EGG!" he exclaimed in the middle of downtown Washington DC.
As we walked down the graded sidewalk to lunch, he gradually picked up the pace to an all out run and slammed into the bus stand spread eagle. He continued to wiggle against the clear covered bus stand attempting to "enter the egg."
The expression of the people sitting IN the bus stand was not only one of WTF and fear, but of disgust. Because from their angle I can only imagine it looked like my South African friend was humping the glass.
OK...maybe I won't go that far. Maybe I will just go play pool.
Did you know...
Curitiba, Brazil has the best designed bus system in the world. They have approximately 1,100 buses carrying 1.3 million passengers per day. The roads have dedicated busways to ensure on time delivery of the passengers.
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