John Burkholder

I ended up working all day today. I was interrupted from my gut splitting time of budgets by the following telephone call: "Hi Dad, it's Jami." "Hi Boogs." "Can you drive me to pick up a car tomorrow. I am getting it for $250." Thoughts are running through my head of what type of vehicle could cost $250." In my usual supporting nature of my daughter learning life the hardest way possible, "Sure, no problem. What time?" "I don't know yet. I will call you back." Well, I get to see my daughter tomorrow. On my way home however, I received a phone call from the Queen informing me that I was to pick up the eldest daughter at her current residence and be prepared to pick up all of her crap. Huh? Well, the eldest and the landlord were at odds (like she turned off the power to the room she was in) and it blew up to very bad proportions. I have not had the eldest explain this yet, just the Queen. The Queen informed me that Jami has f

Lately I have been seriously thinking of downsizing the entire family. No, I know you are thinking “Hi kids. Due to economic conditions, we are going to have to let one of you go.” No, it is not that at all. This is more like telling all of the debt collectors and people wanting money (mortgage company, utilities, vehicle credit companies) to go get duct taped. I do fairly well when it comes to money, but what is it worth? Is it worth my sanity? Maybe. Is it worth my health? I do other things to hurt my health. Is it worth it to miss out on my child growing up? Not so much. Don’t get me wrong, I like money. I also like relaxing and that doesn’t happen terribly often. By the time I arrive home, I am so tired that I really don’t feel like doing anything with anyone. I upload my post, eat dinner, and then head to bed. I am drained after the workday surrounded by the 2 hour commute into the office, and the 2 hour commute home. However, on Fridays I look forward to having my own time at hom

Fixing a vehicle is a guy thing. I know I have just flared up the fur of many females, but let’s think about this for a minute. Yes, there are females that fix cars, work in the computer industry, and perform underwater welding, but they are few and far between. The Sally Ride foundation is making an attempt to teach young girls to change the mindset of young girls to encourage math and science. For this, I applaud her. But honestly, you will find more men with grease on their hands under the hoods of vehicles than women. So I worked on my truck last weekend. I am NOT a grease monkey so messing with the motor was only for looks. I moved a wire, touched a hose and stroked the battery to look ever so impressive and manly man to the women walking about. Since that didn’t work, I impressed my wife. I had been planning since I received the truck to touch up the paint on it. Since the vehicle was a prior military pickup, I knew the paint color for the body was Krylon white. I trucked down

I have hit my second week on the SparkPeople thing today. I have to admit stage 1 has shown me the error of my ways. I keep better track of the things I eat, exercise more, and overall, feel better. I can still enjoy my ham and cheese omelette in the morning as long as I trim back on other things...like lunch. No more trips to Grand Lux for lunch. Chipotle Burrito Bol is my friend. The experimental meals suggested for us are not bad. I am not starving to death at the end of the day, but I am also not full. Why speak about this today? Well, I can put on my socks easily again...after about 7 years. I never realized how nice it would be to not have to stick my foot on the bed so I can twist my leg into a praying mantis stance with a shoe horn in a pretsel twist to slip on one sock. I have noticed something else. My legs are much more muscular and better defined. The 1 1/2 mile walk to and from the train station daily doesn't hurt. That counts against my required cardio and that means

I could tell it was just one of those days. The Queen has been edgy with almost everyone in the household and you could see she was visibly running thin with her patience. It was this reason, I enacted the mission to rescue her from the clutches of the evil Grouch Monster. As my wife is sitting on the toilet I ask “Do you have plans for tonight?” “No, why?” “I would like to take you out tonight…just you and me,” I respond. “I have already lined up Shae to watch Avery for the night.” “Where are we going? “Chicago.” “OK,” she states without question. “Where in Chicago?” “I have to figure that out still. You stink.” Let’s be honest for a moment, you know damn well you would tell you wife if she stinks or not. You know she would tell you after providing her the dutch oven, you should have no problem in responding in kind. What are you really going to say? “Honey, your poo smells like a bounty of roses on a bright sunny afternoon.” Umm…yeah. After lining everything up in my head, I inform h

As I was surfing around the wonderful world of blogging, I came by another ingenious idea (not mine this time). You see, as a blogger, you want readers to actually READ your site instead of clicking the next button, number, or color. The objective for quite a few bloggers is to generate traffic. So, somebody came up with a brilliant idea. They will read your blog daily. All you have to do is pay them. Is that brilliant or what? So, I bought him/her. I just HAVE to know what this is about. I paid my $1.00 for the entire month of my own groupie. Look everyone! I have a groupie! Hi groupie!(waves frantically). This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). The smallest ideas can sometimes be the most fun, and most profitable. Just think, this could be as simple as the guy who came up with the pay-per-pixel idea on the million dollar web page . So, if you want your very own groupie, go to Buy-A-Groupie . Did you know... The term, "It's all fun and games until someone lo

The Queen just went to the grocery store a couple of days ago and spent a few hundred on food. There is nothing in the house to eat. I seem to have this problem often. I actually think this may be a disorder of some sort. I am sure it has a long and complicated name like " haud victus in victus repono " or some other Latin translation. I still don't know why we need to translate everything to Latin, but that is entirely different blog. I decided to start looking for something to eat this morning after waking up with Avery. I let the Queen sleep in this morning so I can have some quality time with Avery. Quality time in the way that she is sitting at her desk coloring in her coloring book, and I am typing this blog on my computer. Ahhhh, the quality. I have considered making breakfast, but with me being lazy...and nothing is jumping out of the refridgerator and throwing itself on the stove, I continue to starve. There actually is a large selection of food, just nothing I w

Something happened yesterday that gave me the ooogies. I am sure you know that feeling when you are just there and there is nothing really wrong with the situation, just the fact you have the hair on your neck stand up, or the chill run slowly up your back and sides. That situation where you don't really care what is going on, or what causes it, you just don't like it and want out. Yesterday, I almost missed the usual train home yesterday afternoon. In fact, I was the last of our crew to board. When I arrived on board, I began searching for a seat on the second level which our crew has pretty much taken over. There was one stranger in our seating area that lowered the seating selection and our crew (as popular as we have become) has grown to capacity plus. The left side of the car was full. The right side of the car was full except for one seat being available all the way against the back wall with Naked Man. It is at that point I have to think to myself...shoot me now. Now to

I just have to know. What is it about shoes? I own five pairs of shoes and I can tell you where they are located at any given point in time. Each of them has a purpose. I have a black pair of tie-up shoes used for work and only work. In fact, they stay in my locker at work. The second pair of shoes are basically a backup for the first pair. They are slip on Dexter loafers in black and brown. Multifunctional and works with nearly every outfit. Third are my Nike Air Monarchs. I use these for nearly everything casual including my daily trip to work. After arriving at work, I put on the shoes mentioned first. Next are the mowing sneakers. They are plain white New Balance and were the predecessor to the Monarchs. I use them when I am mowing. They are green. Lastly are my bowling shoes. Dexter bowling shoes. They cannot be worn outside of a bowling alley, so they stay in my bowling bag (lately without any usage at all). This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Why in the wor

It probably doesn't hurt any that I had a Long Island iced tea before boarding the train, but the train ride home was terribly interesting. To catch some of you up, I take a commuter train to work every day. The people I ride with are great. Diverse and uninhibited. Definitely not politically correct. In fact, the discussions that take place make the bold blush. Anyway, today the discussions (because at any point in time there are 3 or 4 going on) circled around everything from ariating the lawn to burning the bush and I am NOT talking about a leafy plant. This may not seem terribly interesting, but the fact that everyone didn't really care about the discussion made it that much more interesting. Nobody was offended or put out by the conversations and the volume of the train car could rival that of a VanHalen concert front row seat next to the speakers. So, here is a little snippet of the conversations. For the purpose of this conversation, one of the names will be made up. The

OK, I am not sure why anyone would have a happy tax day. (other personality) But I am getting a refund! No. You aren’t. While it may be true that you are going to receive some money from the government, it was your money in the beginning. Remember that whole paycheck minus taxes thing? Besides, the government NEEDS your money with that 9 trillion dollar debt issue looming over their heads. Government accountants everywhere are drooling as they wait for that fat amount of money to help balance out the inflating cost of goods. Paying your taxes is not nearly as exciting as swimming naked in the shark tank, and is about as complicated as swimming with concrete shoes. But we still have to pay them. Because it is the law…actually it is the 16th amendment. Why we agreed to do this is beyond me. Of course, we haven’t always paid income taxes in the United States. It wasn’t until the civil war that Americans has imposed on them income tax. This tax lasted from 1861 to 1872 and was 3% on any in

Happy Easter everyone! I do love celebrating holidays, even if the history of the holiday is confusing. My kids love the bunnies, the eggs, and the ham. All things very common for Easter. So, why bunnies, eggs and most of all ham? When exactly is Easter? Why can't it fall on the last Sunday in March like Thanksgiving in November? As many of you know, I love to research information such as this, so here is what I have found. The Calendar : Easter falls according to the lunar calendar. Extremely interesting since Christmas falls on the Gregorian calendar. Why is it Christ couldn't be born an a particular date...a second time? Anyway, we celebrate Easter on the first Sunday after the earliest fourteenth day of a lunar month that occurred on or after March 21 (the first day of Spring). This makes it fall on the new moon after a full moon. There is a plan to reform the date for Easter to a particular Sunday in April. This is for the Western Chirstian faiths, the date for Easter is d

Why is it, people are so infatuated with body functions? Body functions are things we HAVE to do in order to survive. So when a body function such as farting is performed out in the middle of the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum on July 4 weekend, why is it so many people are surprised? It is not like they have a lot of choices. What brought me to this topic? I have gall stones and it appears I need to have my gall bladder removed. I have consulted with other highly knowledgeable people on my train on this procedure and they have informed me that the surgery itself is not as bad as the after-effect. Apparently, uncontrollable cheese cutting is a side affect of gall bladder removal. I really could care less if I pass gas in the middle of the elevator, because well, everyone already thinks I am a little bit odd. I do however wonder why the doctors think this is an unnecessary organ and can be removed. It appears to me that it has one function, controlling the barking spiders. This brings

It is warming up quite nicely in Chicago. As I look about the city and walk to and from the train station I have noticed something a bit distressing. I know I will gain quite a bit of flack from this blog, but from one man in representation of many men, I have to ask. What happened to the sundress? I have actually taken a poll on this topic with about 5 other men. Every single man I ask if they miss women wearing sundresses, all confirm with a resounding YES. Why is it women decided that the sundress is no longer acceptable? Why is it during the warmer months, women are wearing heavier materials and layers? Have they asked the men at all if this is what attracts them? I think not. Now, I like seeing a women in a properly fitting pair of jeans, but that does not appeal to me nearly as much as a sundress. For some reason, you just do not see the sundress and on behalf of men everywhere we demand that this particular piece of clothing be brought back! Keep the shoulder-padded suits, black

This email explains itself... Good Day, I am a new member and have started using you web site today. I could not find a technical support link on the website, so I decided that since you all are marketing your product you should know of an issue. The nutritional information is not calculating. Let me explain... Today I went into the meal planner and added a food to my breakfast menu. (2 pastries of Pop Tarts and I created an entry for Arizona Lemon Iced Tea). The issue is, and this can be verified by looking at the nutritional information, (using Frosted Strawberry Pop Tarts as the example) Each serving is 405.6 calories. There are 2 servings in the package making the total intake for 2 servings 811.2 calories. The meal plan does not reflect this. I would consider this a pretty critical issue. As I calculate it, my intake from breakfast should be 992 calories (I know now, Pop-Tarts are bad). However, the meal plan is showing 496 calories. Otherwise, I love the site. John n8iv@n8iv.net

Being a pluviophile, the first warm spring rain is my favorite time of the year. Once I step out the door of my house and smell the fresh, clean air and the scent of water on the black top, I feel free, recharged, and relaxed. If it were my choice I would take that moment and package it into a bottle I could wake up and smell every day...but not today. I have to get into my beat up SUV that for some reason has the smell of old wet gym socks rather than fresh spring rain. Moving the car seat back to a position that doesn't make me taste the steering wheel, I heard a small mew. I have always been told the stories of people starting their car and finding an animal on the engine block, so I quickly popped the hood to check. Even though the sound didn't emanate from the engine, I did see a small, skinny, wet, white and black fur ball shaking under the engine. I slowly moved to the ground and coaxed what is clearly at cat from that point out from under the engine. Taking the cat back

This is a long post. However, it addresses BOTH sides of the immigration issue. The actual bill as it was received in the Senate from the House. http://frwebgate.access.gpo.gov/cgi-bin/getdoc.cgi?dbname=109_cong_bills&docid=f:h4437rfs.txt.pdf In a nutshell, here is what the bill provides (ref: Wikipedia ): · Requires up to 700 miles (1100 km) of fence along the US-Mexican border at points with the highest number of immigrant deaths. (House Amendment 648, authored by Duncan Hunter ) · Requires the federal government to take custody of illegal aliens detained by local authorities. This would end the practice of "catch and release", where federal officials sometimes instruct local law enforcement to release detained illegal aliens because resources to prosecute them are not available. It also reimburses local agencies in the 29 counties along the border for costs related to detaining illegal aliens. (Section 607) ·

I awaken to the smell of fresh cinnamon rolls baking in the oven. I think to myself “this is an excellent way to start off the weekend.” Like a cartoon, I follow my nose down the stairs and find myself standing in the kitchen. With my bed-head still firmly in place I address everyone I can see through my squinty eyes with a “good morning.” From behind me, I hear my sister respond in kind. It is at this point I realize that coming down fully dressed may have been a good preparatory step. Covering as much as I can with my hands, I head back upstairs using the back stairwell. After performing a quick triple “S” and dressing a bit more appropriately, I head back downstairs. It is at this time I feel it is more appropriate to greet my sister. I forgot about her coming over before the first weekend opening. I sat and shoveled down a half dozen cinnamon rolls and my sister and I head out the door. As we are walking around the square, the art booths are already full with artists and their ware

It is sunny outside and the weekend approaches. This weekend is the Arts Fair where all of the artists from Central Illinois come to show their works in the town square. Most of the non-profit groups will be setting up their booths and the town is setting up the tents for the artists. The Art Fair pulls a lot of people into town and with the people, come the money. The Art Fair is not the only festival Clinton holds, May Day is like a carnival type of festival and the Apple and Pork Festival has the biggest draw each year basically closing down the town. The town of 6500 instantly turns into 100,000 for the Apple and Pork Festival. Working with the Chamber of Commerce, we came up with other ideas to draw attention to our little town such as: The fishing tourney out at Clinton Lake The Arts Fair The Antique Auto Show The Corvette Show The Motorcycle/Chopper Show Lincoln Days (Abraham Lincoln performed law in Clinton and made the famous quote, “You may fool all the people some of the tim

I awaken to the soft rain falling on the window sill of the bedroom window. I love the smell of the rain covered street. I lay there and soak it in right before noticing that I have overslept this morning. The clock reads 9:30 and the store is suppose to open in a half hour. I skip the shower and throw on my clothes and dash out the door. The light shower I appreciated from the warm confines of my bed is rapidly turning into the downpour soaking me throughout. In my hastiness to run out the door, I figured an umbrella would slow me down. I turn my usually mild walk into a winded jog. I manage to get to the store just in time to shed my coat and unlock the door. I am opening by myself today. Shae has her Tuesday/Thursday college schedule and at this point, I have no backup for her. I didn’t think I would need it. My poor planning will make today a bad day. After unlocking the door and let about 10 people enter, a rather large man with a notebook walks into the store. He walks directly t

It’s another beautiful day today. It is a little bit warmer than yesterday, but still not bad. I have a lot on my plate today. I have to present for the Central Illinois Bookstore Owners Group at the Clintonia and I have plans to see the movie at the Clintonia tonight as well. The Clintonia is an old movie theater that collapsed in the late 80s. The building was torn down and until this year, never saw the light of day. The town could not really support a new movie theater by itself so through an ingenious twist, the chamber of commerce came up with the new format theater. This theater makes money during the day as well as the night. During the day, since the Magill house does not have conference facilities, it is used to host conferences for the small forums. You see, this is not your standard theater with stadium seating and Dolby Surround Sound. This theater has half moon tables and chairs on the main floor level and the balcony is all stadium seating. The half moon tables make it s

I wake to the sunshine cutting through the curtains of the bedroom window. I hear the light wind blowing through the leaves of the big oak tree outside the window. I smell the bacon my wife is cooking on the stove downstairs. I lay there and gaze out the window with pure pleasure. As I finally move my eyes to the clock, I realize it is 8:30 and I determine it is time to get up and get moving. I sneak out of the bright white comforter and step onto the deep cherry hardwood floor and pick out my clothes from the dresser. I can feel the warm sun against the back of my neck. I step into the master bathroom and turn on the shower. After taking a long, refreshing shower and clothing myself, I head down the back stairs directly to the kitchen where the Queen has prepared breakfast. As she is placing my plate at the table, I can see her silhouette through the sundress from the light coming through the kitchen windows. I do love her so, and with that light I can’t help myself from holding her.