John Burkholder

Have there ever been those times when you feel like you are going to pass out from some sort of poison eminating from a co-workers mouth? Do you think the person emitting the gas realizes they are causing your brain cells to shut down? I have to admit, there have been times when I had a sinus infection that I knew my breath was strong enough to take down a flock of seagulls at 100 yards. In those cases though, I have a family size bag of cherry cough drops to mask the scent. I usually get the "who has cherry cough drops" question about a dozen times that day. I guess that's better than walking down the hallway to see people scatter and fall out like the parting of the Red Sea. When a co-worker walks up with bad breath, is it polite to offer them gum, a mint, one of those breath strips, or a fire hose? I think so. You see, transient bad breath is a very common temporary condition caused by such things as oral dryness, stress, hunger (ketosis), eating certain foods such as

The key to getting great service the next time you visit an establishment is tipping. Sometimes, it is not necessarily the amount of the tip but the tip itself. For instance, whenever I have to actually see a bank teller (which is rare) I ask for gold and silver dollars. If you leave gold in your tip, they actually tell other wait staff and mostly think it is unique. The next time, they fight to have your table...that time, leave a two dollar bill in the tip mix. Contrary to popular belief, the two dollar bill is worth two dollars. What brought me to talking about tipping? Not so long ago, the Mexican was explaining to me about not being able to get a seat at his wife's favorite restaurant because of the wait. I looked at him like he was crazy. Me: Didn't they have a hostess? Mexican: Yeah. Some little 16 year old. Again looking at him like he is crazy I have to ask: Why didn't you drop her 10 bucks? Mexican: Some 16 year old won't take 10 bucks. It was at this time tha

Little did I know when I woke up this morning that I was part of a master plan devised by the kids...all of them...even the 3 year old. Apparently, they had colluded with one of the Queen's friends to throw a surprise birthday party since the Queen's birthday is Tuesday. Balloons were purchased, as were streamers, punch, gifts and everything. Neither the Queen nor I knew anything about it. It wasn't until her friend decided to take the Queen to breakfast that made me suspicious. The Queen wasn't 10 steps out of the house when the Party Depot exploded in my family room. Since I had not gotten her a gift, I decided that the festivities (in the theme of the ocean) need some food. So, while the kids did their magic, I headed to the grocery store. To match up with the ocean theme (there is considerably more history about the ocean reasoning here ) and because my wife was seriously missing the Mid-Altantic, I decided to go ahead and buy the Phillip's Crab Cakes. For those

I know it has been a while since I last posted. I actually have plenty of post ideas, I have just been either on vacation, working (which they no longer allow me to post from work), or spending time with the Queen and kids. I have discovered a few things in my time away from blogosphere. First, you find out that people actually read the dribble you write and actually wonder and ask why you haven't written an entry lately. Second, sleep is nice. You see, I actually caught up on some sleep since I have been away. There were a couple nights a didn't fall asleep until around 1:30, but the majority of the vacation I fell to sleep rather easily. Have you ever noticed how people can manage to stay awake into the wee early morning hours when the Dunkin Donut guy goes to work, but you can't seem to keep your head up in meetings? I live in meeting hell. I spend at least 75% of my work day in a meeting of some sort. Then, people complain because they have these unreal expectations tha

I decided to go for a little drive. The Queen often complains about our little drives because we end up in other regions of the country. When we lived in Virginia, after having breakfast at Bob Evans, Avery and the Queen decided we should take a ride around Washington DC to take in the sites. We drove out of DC on the Baltimore-Washington Parkway because it was pretty. Once we made it to the Delaware border she asked me "How far is New York City from here?" My response was "Around 4 hours." Well, we have nothing better to do...off to New York. After entering Connecticut, we decided to make it a weekend excursion. Since we were without clothes, diapers and toiletries, we stopped at Target and bought everything. This trip ended us up in Portland, Maine. A very nice trip that we repeated with the remaining children later that same year. Today, my little drive ends me up on Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario. Yes, I always warned her I would take her to Canada. Last night, we pa

I am taking an emergency vacation. I called my boss and informed him I needed a vacation...right now. I really didn't give him a lot of choices. I thought the weekend may be enough to get my head back on straight but it doesn't appear to be the case. What is my problem? I have lost my passion. It wasn't until I had a long discussion with my psychologist (the Queen) that I realized what my issue is. She is right though. This is not the first time I have had to deal with this. Usually my self-healing practice is to take some time away from everyone. I will stare at the stars waiting for the signs. I will listen to the words of nature. I will smell the aroma of life. I will feel my guiding wind. For some reason, things are getting harder to digest. I feel numb. The Queen thinks working on the new website will help. To be honest, I know what is missing. I just have no way of fixing it. This leaves me out of control of my own life...my own destiny. This means, I am living my nig

I have been missing from the blogging world for a few days. My Queen has returned from Texas and we had to make up for lost time. I know, more than you all wanted to know. I am also out of sorts. It started yesterday when I returned home. I greeted everyone and went to bed. I fell asleep at 7. This morning I woke up, dressed, and went to work. Sometime around 1:30, I was so easily irritated, I figured it was better to leave before I duct taped someone to the ceiling. This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). So, when I start feeling back to normal, I will post some proper blog entries. Did you know... Beethoven dipped his head in cold water before he composed.

This is my point and Did you know... The Queen comes home today!

I am 5 feet 10 inches with an average build. I have average size hands with average size 10 shoes. I have the average american weight for my average height. I am average. Tonight, while I was helping take out the trash, my neighbor across the street was also taking out the trash. I greeted him with my usual "Hey Joe!" I am not sure if his name is really Joe though. He walked up to me and had his hand out to shake. Joe is a big man. He is a six foot three truck driver that looks as if he could lift a Cadillac. So as I reach for his hand, I fear he is going to crush it. His hand is massive. What does a guy of average size do when faced with a hand of Kong. First he thinks "don't hurt me" and then he learns to shake daintily. What rational reasoning do I have to fear that this neighbor would want to power drive me into the mailbox? Is this a hidden fear? Am I insecure? Why do women think that big hands or big feet automatically indicates a large schmuck? This bring