John Burkholder

I have searched and searched the Internet for the name of the person who studies traffic and traffic patterns. The one person who is a specialist in how traffic works or doesn't work. Who are these people that design the big picture highways and byways across the world? Here is the title I have found: Nothing. The trafficologist is fictitious. There isn't anyone that is termed a trafficologist. Well...that explains a lot. I have had the fortunate and unfortunate luck of travelling in and through 49 States and many Canadian Provinces. In all of my travels, Washington DC still ranks at the top of the most boggling traffic systems. Washington DC drivers are the most unique. Unlike Chicago drivers who if you cut them off will lay on their horn and yell at you, Washington DC drivers will wave their hand in the air and thank you for not slamming into them because they didn't LOOK before pulling out. Washington DC drivers often use the shoulder to drive... not to get to an exit, j

I love all types of music. Music can be inspirational, educational, emotional and confrontational. Music can bring you to tears with songs like Christmas Shoes or make you laugh with White and Nerdy by Weird Al. Yesterday, I heard a new song from Chicago's very own Fall Out Boy that just plain rocks! The title is misleading but the words make all the difference. Honestly, it is just a fun song. I can see this tearing up the club scene with people singing at the top of their lungs much as songs like I Love This Bar or Friends in Low Places . This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race I am an arms dealer Fitting you with weapons in the form of words And don't really care which side wins As long as the room keeps singing That's just the business I'm in. This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race This ain't a scene, it’s a god damn arms race I'm not a shoulder to cry on But, I digress I'm a leadi

First thing tomorrow morning, I slide back into my truck and start the long drive back to Virginia. The drive itself is somewhat exhasting, but it is not the worst part. I am leaving the family...again. Another month in solitude and bad traffic. Shae made a comment that I should stay. That one comment went to the core of my being and I now bleed profusely with regret. These last few days have been much like a bittersweet chocolate (life is like a box of chocolates), I have really enjoyed my time with the family, and I am really dreading my imminent time away. I want to stay. But as I told Shae, I have to make money. Her response was "I don't need money." Oh, foolish soon-to-be high school graduate. I have discovered a few things about myself while being here. I have uncovered my own likes and dislikes. The Queen tells me that I often adapt to whomever I am with at that particular moment and that my true self is never really showing. Hmmm...she may be onto something. Since

The turkey is the plastic thing on the platter... Yesterday was Thanksgiving day here in America, land of the free and home of the brave. Most of America sheds their need for pizza and fast food and turns to the killing of what many believe as the first national bird, the turkey. The turkey almost became the national bird when Benjamin Franklin proclaimed it the most common and symbolic bird in the Americas. After many discussions about whether the Philadelphia football team should be named the Philadelphia Turkeys or the bald eagle becoming the next November meal, the bald eagle became the national bird instead. Thanksgiving is not only represented by the cooking and now deep-frying of whole turkeys, but also for the stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, corn bread and pumpkin pie. If that wasn't enough, Cool Whip. The Pilgrims who had migrated to America (a land with 10 million occupants) had a grand feast in 1621, after their first har

The holiday has given me one good thing...an opportunity to go home. I left work yesterday afternoon and headed straight for Illinois. I was not willing to wait until the following morning to leave. After driving for 14 straight hours, I arrived home at 5:30 this morning. There is good and bad in this. I arrived two and a half hours before Avery woke up. Even though I was dead tired, Avery was begging for breakfast and hugging all over me. It doesn't get much better than that. We ate. We read a couple books. We talked. It was the me and Avery time I missed so much. Two older kids wandered their way downstairs where we talked and caught up a little. The Queen needed to take Avery to pick up an item for / from her mother and asked if I wanted to join them. Hmmm... sleep for a short time (an hours or two) or run around a store looking for a snowglobe. Feeling my eyelids closing as we discussed it, I figured a couple hours was no big deal and I wouldn't miss out on the entire day w

I asked for my old job back today. I called my old boss back in Chicago to find out if I can get my old job back today. It not that I liked my old job...more that I need to move back home. The plans to move to the DC metropolitan area have changed. What does this mean? Simply, it means I will get to see my family that I miss terribly. My boss said he will check on it. Good. At least he didn't just say no and it was done. I have applied at a few other companies in the area, but I really don't expect too much from them. My network is not very big in Chicago. Honestly, if I had a choice and could make the money, I would do something else. Driving river boats would be nice. This brings me to my point already (as I almost always have one). Don't be stupid. Try not to be spontaneous when it comes to life altering decisions. Hopefully, my old company can bring me back. Did you know... Forty-seven percent of workers are currently looking for another job or plan to look within the n

For the second time since I started this new job, I have had to use muscles I haven't had to use in quite some time. The first time was cleaning out a data center that basically looked like my teenager's room. The term storage room I believe was associated to the same location as the heartbeat of the company's business. So, the first Sunday on the job, I went in with a dolly, some large cable cutters, and some small hand tools and gutted the data center of everything that wasn't suppose to be there. Add to this moving the boxes of crap and the miles of cable, and I had a better workout than Chuck Norris does in his infomercial. I moved everything to the new conference room storage room. After leaving, I had a nice clean data center. I was so proud and tired. The following day was when I actually realized that the servers were a tad bit heavy. My legs were like Popeye's arms. I felt like I had been riding bareback on a horse for a 1000 miles and my legs were stuck...

Today...I saw another man's penis. This was by no means by choice. He just didn't realize his fly was down. Now, I have to ask all of the male readers of this blog...How don't you know your fly is down and your Willie is peeking out when it is 45 degrees outside and windy? I admit. I have left my fly down once or twice as a young man. But as I age, the thought of my Jimmie flowing in the cool winter air make me shiver just thinking about it. There is another thing. How do you tell another grown man that his fly is down and his Thomas is outside it's shell? "Hi, I don't know you, but I just wanted you to know I was noticing you Peter hanging outside your clothing...oh, have a nice day." If someone told me that...the first thing I would think is "holy crap! how long has this been this way?" Next thought would be "why was that guy looking at my Winkie?" This brings my to my point (as I almost always have one). Velcro. Zippers work their

I am hung up on the idea of finding lard (as mentioned in a previous post ). I know that people render their own lard, but I really don't have any of the necessary equipment nor inclination to do such a thing. So, I am out to find a manufacturer or try to convince a manufacturer to make it once again. In doing so, I stumbled across a VERY interesting article in the New York Times. August 12, 2005 High on the Hog By CORBY KUMMER Boston WHEN the New York City health department asked restaurants to stop serving food containing trans fats this week, it aroused anxiety in some diners but joyful anticipation in me. The stage might be set at last for the comeback of the great misunderstood fat: lard. Every baker knows that despite lard's heavy reputation (it is pig fat, after all), nothing makes a flakier or better-tasting pie crust. Lard also makes the lightest and tastiest fried chicken: buttermilk, secret spices and ancient cast-iron skillets are all well and good, but the key to f

I have been in Virginia for 3 weeks now. Several things have happened that put me here. But when I first came out here the belief was that my family would join me in January. That isn't going to happen now. Knowing this makes this new job cause a sour taste in my mouth. I like the work because it is a huge challenge and I have a significant amount of support to pull it off. But it is all futile if I don't have my family with me. I miss the Queen. I miss the kids. They are more important than my job or how much I "prosper." It only took 40 years and some broken hearts for me to realize this. Man...am I hard-headed! Going back is not going to be as easy as leaving. Getting a job in Virginia required one phone call and one day. I have a very good network built up in the DC metropolitan area. My network is considerably smaller in the Chicagoland area. Add to that my standard and requirements for living, and it minimizes the opportunities. This brings me to my point (as I

Bowling for Soup has a song out on the radio right now named "High School Never Ends." When I first heard this song, I took it with a large block of salt. Yesterday was election day for most of the United States...a turning point in the power from Republican to Democrat. The day has as much significance to public policy as the day we invaded Iraq to discover the weapons of mass destruction buried all over the Iraq landscape. During this extremely important day, the breaking news was Britney Spears filing for divorce from Kevin Federline. At what point did ANYONE care about Britney Spears' marriage? Did I just not get the memo? Are we so nosey that we need to be in the middle of EVERY "famous" persons life every minute of the day? Has everyone forgotten what type of people actually acquire this news? They are called paparazzi. Paparazzi is a plural term (paparazzo being the singular form [1] [2] ) for photographers who take candid photographs of celebrities , u

Driving in metropolitan Washington DC sucks. Chicago traffic is bad. This is mostly due to construction ALWAYS taking place. I am still unsure as to WHY traffic is bad in DC. What I HAVE noticed though is this: People aren't actually FROM Washington DC area. Drivers in the DC area don't CARE about anything or anyone but themselves. The people that represent you and your country drive very pretentious foreign automobiles. This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Why is it in the city considered to be the most patriotic in the nation, has the most BMW, Mercedes, Aston Martins and Bentleys? I understand that comfort is "needed" for the Senators and Representatives, but why can't they use an American made car? Yes, I understand that importing cars spurs the economic stability and world relations, but I voted that person into the seat they fight so hard to hold. The Democratic and Republican committees are all spending millions of dollars to bash each

I was in the car the other day and my new cell phone type thingy decided to call my home all on it's own. It was in my pocket so that may have something to do with it. I was driving on my 2 hour commute back to the house from my office and I heard my phone ring. My daughter called to inform me that I have been calling home and that she and friends could all hear my music playing. I like newer music. Not all of it , but a good portion. Sirius hits 1 was playing Chris Brown or Snow Patrol and my daughter's friends asked repeatedly if my daughter was sure it was me. Her Dad. They responded with certainty that it was in fact me. "That is so cool!" the friend states, "Your Dad listens to GOOD music." This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). At what age does it turn from cool to wierd old guy? I like groups like Evanescence, Hinder, Snow Patrol, Chris Brown, John Mayer. But if I wanted to go to actually SEE one of these artist in concert, I woul

I haven't posted in quite a while. There are a couple reasons for this but the primary reason is that I do not have a computer or Internet connection where I am staying right now. So, this posting is taking place at work after hours. I have basically severed off all of my technology requirements to include all but my primary email and all but my primary (this) blog. My instant messengers have disappeared as have other technological tag-a-longs. What have I been doing? Thinking. Just thinking. I am not saying I don't want to talk to everyone I left behind in Illinois, I just need to figure out a few things. I talk with the Queen and the kids daily so I am not completely cut off. I just do that from either my work cell phone or the home phone. This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Why do we really need 4 different email accounts, 3 instant messenger IDs, 3 blog sites, 2 personal websites and 2 cell phones? Is everything so necessary that we need to be tied in