Buying Tampons

There are certain things in life a man should never be asked to do: Go to the Gyno with your wife for a yearly check-up; volunteer to be the supervising parent of a Chuck E Cheese birthday party for your 8 year old daughter and 50 of her closest friends; shop for tampons.

There have been times in my life that I have been unfortunate enough to do just that. The first time I was directed to "grab a box" was for my first wife. What's the big deal? I am strong enough in my own sexual being to know they aren't for me. Who cares what anyone else thinks?

Off I go. Trooper to the core. I need to pick up eggs, milk, bread, toilet paper and tampons.

All of the other items have been collected as begin the quest down the feminine supplies isle. Massengill, panty liners, maxi-pads, ahhh...tampons.

Is it me, or is the tampon section of the store large enough to rival toilet paper and paper towels? How many different types of tampons do women really need?

Maybe it is psychological...maybe because women have to have so many pairs of shoes and shoe choices, the marketing department for tampons decided they need that many choices as well. For me and I think I speak for most of the common man, shoot me.

All I was there to do is pick up tampons. Now, I had to think about what type of tampon to buy, quantity and size. For those men fortunate enough to NOT go through this, I will attempt to map this out.

First you have to narrow down the brands (which is not too hard) Kotex, O.B, Playtex, Store-brand, and Tampax. For the purpose of this exercise, I will choose Tampax. Then comes absorbency which if you choose the wrong one, you could cause something called Toxic Shock Syndrome which as I understand it is bad. As far as absorbency, there is the Junior, Regular, Super, Super Plus, Compak Regular, oh, and to really make things easy, Multi-size. Next comes the applicator; Flushable, Biodegradable, Slender Flushable and Non-Flushable. Lastly, how many? Do you just need to last until she goes to the store or is this suppose to be a "lasting" purchase?

After standing in front of the tampons for about an hour and having absolutely no idea as to what of what is what, I grabbed the safe bet that they seemed to sell the most of, Tampax Multi-Size absorbancy, flushable applicator with the Super, Regular and Lite 40 count.

I can't imagine having to go through this with the pads or panty liners which had almost the same size lot in the store as tampons.

I check-out without the required price check that always seems to occur on items you hate purchasing in a store, like condoms and drudge home proudly choosing the best choice of all of the choices.

As I begin unpacking the bags, I hear, "Honey, I use Tampax Pearl."

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Women, think Depo Provera. Depo is not only a birth control shot given every three months, but in most cases it STOPS the monthly visitor. It has other benefits as well, such as lower incidences of endometrial cancer and not having to worry about missing a pill, but that no period thing is BIG.

Did you know...

There are 85 million women of menstruating age in North America.

The Keeper is the environmentally safe alternative to tampons and pads.

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