Double-checking my Decision

So, I am sitting here...in my house...wondering if the path I have chosen is the path I should continue. I look constantly around at people, companies, government and I see so much to fix...and so little capabilities or influence. I think I have the answer to change one part of the world...I just wish I could hand it to somebody and have them run with it, but I know there are too many people out there who do not look past the "laws"
 of now and into the possiblity that they are wrong.

I need to complete several things over the next 11 months... I need to make the prototype. I need to prove it works. I need to lock in the patent. So, I guess my main question is, how? I know it would be worth it once it is done, but right now, I am more interested in the not-so-important things like sleep, relaxing, and just being myself. As of late, I feel like I am living somebody else life and have no time to have fun. I go to work, and I come home and crash.

So what am I to do? Is this just another bout of depression because the sun has not appeared in quite some time? Am I suppose to be waiting for something to happen? Should I be looking for a sign? Should I be writing the book? Should I be teaching the kids everything technology? Why do I feel as if I should be helping people instead of making a lot of money to help other people make a lot of money? Should I just give my idea to science and let them run with it? IT would be so much easier for me just to dump my brain to everyone else and let them do the work.

Conceded? Possibly. Is it warranted? Probably not. Do I really believe that I am that much more enlightened than other people? Defnitely not. I just think my brain is wired differently. I don't think I am the next Einstein or Jesus Christ (another blog entirely), but I do believe the way "laws" of science are broken is because there is that one guy who wishes to prove otherwise. I do believe that some people just know. I do believe that some people can teach others how to think that way as well...which may be more important than that one big scientific breakthrough, or that religious epiphany. It is much like Socrates teaching Plato, Xenophon, Antithenes, and Aristotle his way of thinking so they can be better understand and develop their own conclusions. I am in no way saying I am Socrates.

However, this is the struggle I have been dealing with for most of my life. This is the battle that I fear will never be won. Change the world anonymously, or change the world and make billions. Where and when does my ego step down? At what point will I give up on the idea as I have done many times before?

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