My Dark Side


My wife and I have a lot of conversations about her darker, morbid side of her personality. She often tries to engage me in going down these rabbit holes in her mind to identify which parts are truly needing fixes, and which parts are all talk and no action. For example, not so many years ago, we were discussing climate change and how she felt the world needed to have a large chunk of the population removed. She explained the Black Plague and Spanish Flu and how they both helped not only the economic separation between the wealthy and the poor, but they reset the human population to a manageable count. 

I cannot say I agree with her. She has gone down these rabbit holes before and each time I am required to be the opposite viewpoint to bring back the civility and humanity of the conversation. I discuss the amount of innovation lost due to these disruptions in human activity. I show how hope (the one thing that pushes people forward) is hugely impacted by long term depression or post traumatic mental challenges like being the sole survivor of a family wiped out by a pandemic. Sound familiar?

But it all changes this year. Instead of suppressing my emotions as I am always doing, I am going to take these dark, dank, morbid, and evil thoughts and write them out. Not here of course...as the internet is hosts to truly evil people bent on destroying anything and everything in the name of “God”, “Freedom” and “Family”. I do not need to give them better ways to make the world worse than it is. Therefore, I will use the same method Samuel L. Jackson used in the Kingsman movie...pen and paper. “Nobody can hack that shit!”

But why? Why now? After spending my entire life neatly folding every bad thought and placing it somewhere in the nether reaches, I am realizing that I am out of storage. This last year has push my capacity for positive living to the limit. I cannot avoid the turmoil any longer and I need to take each one out, review, understand, acknowledge, and finally dispose of each and every one of the plethora of dark thoughts and move on. I need to identify and make reparations for each of those dark actions stored in the abyss. If one of those plots stored in that dark realm of my brain manage to come to fruition as I have always feared, I will rely on my wife to provide the balance I need to move through it. 

Happy New Year!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Rare Political Statement...Illegal Immigrants

This is a long post. However, it addresses BOTH sides of the immigration issue. The actual bill as it was received in the Senate from the House. http://frwebgate.access.gpo.gov/cgi-bin/getdoc.cgi?dbname=109_cong_bills&docid=f:h4437rfs.txt.pdf In a nutshell, here is what the bill provides (ref: Wikipedia ): · Requires up to 700 miles (1100 km) of fence along the US-Mexican border at points with the highest number of immigrant deaths. (House Amendment 648, authored by Duncan Hunter ) · Requires the federal government to take custody of illegal aliens detained by local authorities. This would end the practice of "catch and release", where federal officials sometimes instruct local law enforcement to release detained illegal aliens because resources to prosecute them are not available. It also reimburses local agencies in the 29 counties along the border for costs related to detaining illegal aliens. (Section 607) ·
Read more

What is it About Shoes?

I just have to know. What is it about shoes? I own five pairs of shoes and I can tell you where they are located at any given point in time. Each of them has a purpose. I have a black pair of tie-up shoes used for work and only work. In fact, they stay in my locker at work. The second pair of shoes are basically a backup for the first pair. They are slip on Dexter loafers in black and brown. Multifunctional and works with nearly every outfit. Third are my Nike Air Monarchs. I use these for nearly everything casual including my daily trip to work. After arriving at work, I put on the shoes mentioned first. Next are the mowing sneakers. They are plain white New Balance and were the predecessor to the Monarchs. I use them when I am mowing. They are green. Lastly are my bowling shoes. Dexter bowling shoes. They cannot be worn outside of a bowling alley, so they stay in my bowling bag (lately without any usage at all). This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Why in the wor
Read more

Moving on and moving out

I have made an executive decision in my life today. MomofJenMatt is right about a very sensitive issue and I have been running it through my mind for most of the night. I am strongly against the support of child pornography and to be honest, Xanga could be considered as contributing to the distribution of child pornography. Therefore, this is my last post with Xanga. I am moving to http://www.blogger.com/ . Blogger.com is tied to/owned by Google. It is a little more complicated to use, but I figure I will get used to it. This is my new blog site: http://n8ivwarrior.blogspot.com/ I welcome you to join me, although anyone can read and comment on my blog. You do not need to be a member. I hereby resign the Viewer's Choice to LarsThunder. Thank you for viewing and good luck to you all.
Read more