Mind The Gap

Winter is always rough for me. It is my season of change. 

I can't seem to get away from it. One of many things usually happen:

  • I want to change jobs (like today);
  • I want to move (like today);
  • I want a vacation (like today);
  • I just want out... like today.
Not out of my relationships, not out of life in general...just out. I feel trapped as if I am in quicksand. I can see I am fine, but everything around me is stopped or slowed. I can't really explain it well.

I need a reset. A new image of sorts. I need a new me. A rich me would be nice, but I also realize that would require a miracle of some sort. I am tired of doing what I have been doing for my entire adult life...technology. I am wary of this management track I have journeyed down because I don't really feel like I am contributing anything at all. I like having knowledge and opportunity to fix or build things. 

But it is not that simple. I am the sole provider for myself, my family, and I provide financial assistance for my mother in law. Where I have moved to...has provided me the comfort I need to survive. I suppose I could give it up for a much less expensive place to live, and find something I would enjoy doing, but this brings me to another problem: what would I do if I weren't doing this?

If money were no object, I have lists of ideas and business plans. But as previously stated, I am not. I go back to work...doing the same crap, on a different day to pay the bills to make others happy. I can't keep this up. My body is taking a toll, my mind is weakening, and my family is feeling the result of it. 

My wife made a statement last night and I fully realize it is true... I am becoming like my Dad. Lloyd used to open a bakery, get it up and running...get bored... and pack up the family to move to the next city to do it all over again. I am doing my best NOT to be that guy. 

I have considered using the company's EAP to get some help, but I feel they are dealing with folks having life or death crisis' and my issue is just I am dealing with the same stuff I have dealt with all of my life. So where do I go? What do I do? 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Rare Political Statement...Illegal Immigrants

This is a long post. However, it addresses BOTH sides of the immigration issue. The actual bill as it was received in the Senate from the House. http://frwebgate.access.gpo.gov/cgi-bin/getdoc.cgi?dbname=109_cong_bills&docid=f:h4437rfs.txt.pdf In a nutshell, here is what the bill provides (ref: Wikipedia ): · Requires up to 700 miles (1100 km) of fence along the US-Mexican border at points with the highest number of immigrant deaths. (House Amendment 648, authored by Duncan Hunter ) · Requires the federal government to take custody of illegal aliens detained by local authorities. This would end the practice of "catch and release", where federal officials sometimes instruct local law enforcement to release detained illegal aliens because resources to prosecute them are not available. It also reimburses local agencies in the 29 counties along the border for costs related to detaining illegal aliens. (Section 607) ·
Read more

What is it About Shoes?

I just have to know. What is it about shoes? I own five pairs of shoes and I can tell you where they are located at any given point in time. Each of them has a purpose. I have a black pair of tie-up shoes used for work and only work. In fact, they stay in my locker at work. The second pair of shoes are basically a backup for the first pair. They are slip on Dexter loafers in black and brown. Multifunctional and works with nearly every outfit. Third are my Nike Air Monarchs. I use these for nearly everything casual including my daily trip to work. After arriving at work, I put on the shoes mentioned first. Next are the mowing sneakers. They are plain white New Balance and were the predecessor to the Monarchs. I use them when I am mowing. They are green. Lastly are my bowling shoes. Dexter bowling shoes. They cannot be worn outside of a bowling alley, so they stay in my bowling bag (lately without any usage at all). This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Why in the wor
Read more

Moving on and moving out

I have made an executive decision in my life today. MomofJenMatt is right about a very sensitive issue and I have been running it through my mind for most of the night. I am strongly against the support of child pornography and to be honest, Xanga could be considered as contributing to the distribution of child pornography. Therefore, this is my last post with Xanga. I am moving to http://www.blogger.com/ . Blogger.com is tied to/owned by Google. It is a little more complicated to use, but I figure I will get used to it. This is my new blog site: http://n8ivwarrior.blogspot.com/ I welcome you to join me, although anyone can read and comment on my blog. You do not need to be a member. I hereby resign the Viewer's Choice to LarsThunder. Thank you for viewing and good luck to you all.
Read more