12,660 nights

I remember the exact night my insomnia started. I remember thinking it was cool to see the TV static after the Star Spangled Banner played. I remember noticing the cable TV channels at the time were still played.

But now I can tell it is finally starting to affect me. I notice my threshold for how long I can go without sleep has shortened. Going from 2 hours within 72 hours to 4 hour minimum within 72 hours.

I can feel my heart beating heavily when I reach that point I need to shut down. My brain gets foggy and my physical abilities are shaky, and often miss targets.

People know about it. I receive all kinds of suggestions and look for patterns of good sleep over no sleep. I have tried prescriptions, natural remedies, meditation, herbals, no blue light, no screens, no caffeine, no sugar, etc. you name it, I have tried it over the many years of fighting it.

Do I ever sleep? Yes. My body will sometimes correct itself if I am sick, if I don’t sleep over a couple weeks, or even if I get an opportunity once my brain shuts down.

Take yesterday as an example: the night before I had 2 hours of sleep… so I was already running low. Then Monday night, I slept another 2 hours before I tossed and turned and thought about what I would do in a nuclear disaster, how I would spend my lottery winnings, and how to make quantum energy. I keep my eyes closed so if my brain ever gets a chance I can sleep. But when my alarm went off, I got up, fed the cat, and went to the bathroom to purge my colon and get in the shower. As I was showering, I opened my eyes to realize I did all of it with my eyes closed. How do I know? The bathroom light was still off. I continued my shower in the dark and turned on the light once I stopped showering.

Autonomic response has always been a concern of mine. I worry that someday I will have that dream where you are naked in front of your coworkers and it be real because you had an autonomic response. You trained your body to do the same thing over and over to the point you do it without thinking.

Anyway, just thought I would share.


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