A Long Couple of Days

Wow! I am way behind in my posting. Work has been getting in the way of the important things like...life. Today, I was suppose to be off of work all day. Last night however, my bosses boss asked if I was sure my boss could explain the budgets I had spent the past one and a half weeks putting together. I am sure he could, but I also didn't want him to give up anything in the budget.

After showing my budget to the rest of the management, my boss shoved me on my way and sent me home without having to take the rest of the day as PTO (paid time off). OK. Who am I to argue?

On my walk to the train station, I nearly got hit by a crazy cab driver wanting to turn left while I was crossing the intersection. All of the cab drivers in Chicago are crazy, but that is beside the point. If you have never driven in Chicago, the cab and bus drivers consider all lines on the road optional. They are more like guidelines. Whenever I drive in Chicago, I specifically drive on all of the lower roads. Chicago roads are built on top of each other.

The Queen calls all of the lower roads "creepy. There are orange lights and people living down there." I consider all of the lower roads, the non-scenic express view. I disgress.

When the cab driver nearly made me his hood ornament (whatever happened to hood ornaments), I consider showing him his IQ via sign language. I kept control of my emotions, smiled at him with that condescending "you are an idiot" smile, and continued to my destination.

This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Sometimes people just need a little lick. Get your head out of the gutter.

There have been situations when some schmuck races up on my back bumper thinking if they ride it, I will go faster. As some of you may know, I tend to do things a little bit differently than the average bear. So when I was planning to drive "slightly" over the speed limit, I reduce it to one or two MPH under. When I see the schmuck has a chance to pass, I speed up slightly until the window of opportunity has closed.

When he finally arrives at his left hand turn, he informs me via sign language of his IQ (notice how sign language is so very useful and interpreted differently in different situations). So, I look at him with a bit of amusement, slowly stick out my tongue and with the motion of a mop against the floor, lick my driver's side window. I just love the expressions received from this one act.

You see, in many states, it is illegal to flip the bird to anyone. It often makes the situation worse than it already was and causes road rage.

Most often the expression I encounter from my saliva painting is one of bewilderment in stopped tracks. They do not have ANY idea as to how to respond. Other times, the person actually laughs. I have yet to see anyone actually get angry.

Step outside the box. You can be rebellious without having to be mean. Licking the window is just one of many ways to show your disapproval and go against the grain. Don't let those schmucks win.

Did you know...

The origin of the word "schmuck" meant jewel or ornament. The Yiddish (more common) transformation of the word is penis. This is how male genetalia became known as family jewels.