Falling Apart (Another View)
Eiprhylle posted the other day about her friend’s marriage falling apart. It is at this point everyone who does not have an open mind can leave. If you wanted to read a short, funny post, this is also not the post for you. I need to post this because, when someone makes me think, I have to talk about it. Eiprylle made me think and for this, I thank her.
She posed the question “What reason will there be, if given circumstances, for them to remain as husband and wife?”
My quick answer was “It sounds like a marriage of convenience. I have seen more than one of those…and some last forever.” Granted, I could have expounded on this in the comments section, but to be honest, another person’s relationship is really none of my business.
I married for convenience. My first wife (Teri) and I married for convenience. Before judging me, let me explain. I was a 19 year old male living in Limestone, Maine under the auspice of serving in the Air Force. The male to female ratio for that area at the time was about 6 men to every 1 female. So, as a male in my sexual prime, any female was a target for my flashing good looks…well, at least my sense of humor.
Teri came to the Air Force base as my subordinate. She was in another relationship with a girlfriend back in her home town (a totally different blog) and as the week moved on, we became fast friends. We were both living in the dormitory so, dorm life was not great for…well…sex.
We devised a plan. You see, military married to military actually receive more money than military married to civilian. Additionally, as I mentioned, I was in my sexual prime. We married, moved off base, and brought in more money. These are MY reasons for marrying Teri. Her reasons were pretty much the same with the addition of the fact she had a previous girlfriend prior to the Don’t Ask / Don’t Tell policy taking affect. Thus, three weeks after meeting, a marriage of convenience. We were married from 1986 until her death in 1999. Yes, I loved her.
Eiprhylle responded to my comment with “I don't know if it's going to be a marriage for convenience, they're both American Citizens.” As you can see, there is more than one type of marriage for convenience.
People marry for convenience all of the time. Couples marry to hide from their friends, family, company the fact that they are homosexual. The discrimination still exists against homosexuality and as long as there are bible thumping purists, it will continue. Society is attempting to lighten the chains holding down homosexuality being accepted in business and community life, but the prejudice is still very strong right now.
People marry to keep from being alone. This occurs most often in insecure people who are afraid they will not have someone around to bury them when they die. Even if the person they are marrying is not really a person they like, they marry them with the hope that the person will either change, or they will learn to live them just as they are.
People are married to please their families. This is also called arranged marriages and YES, this still takes place. Actually, I have known several people who have married in an arranged marriage. The parents line everything up and more often than not, the bride and groom are not introduced until either the day before or during the wedding. Sometimes, the bride does not join her husband for a few months after the wedding (I know someone doing that now).
Some of these weddings do not work out. Most do though. I would bet if a survey was completed on marriages of convenience versus marriages of love, you would find the marriage of convenience have a higher percentage of continuing. Granted, they may not be in a happy, sexual, loving relationship, but they are lasting because the fundamental reasons for marrying have not changed.
What I do know, is that most of these marriages of convenience find love. I believe that most of the problems in marriages are because there is not an agreement in the fundamental circumstances. Love can only carry you so far if your spouse spends money like it grows on trees and you are killing yourself trying to stay out of debt (another set of friends I know who have since divorced).
I am lucky. Teri helped me find the Queen. The Queen and I agree on the fundamentals and also have love. I feel I have the best of both worlds.
This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Who are we to judge? Who are we to interfere in another person’s life? My belief is that we are all in a life journey to better ourselves in the Great Spirit as a whole. If this includes living a life of homosexuality, or marrying for convenience, that is fine.
As long as we are not causing harm to others, what does it matter if people have arranged marriage? By trying to guide another person’s life path, we can do tremendous harm.
We as a society need to show a lot more understanding and a little less judgment. Society has made some tremendous changes in the past as far as Women’s rights, racism, sexual preference, religious persecution, but we have a long way to go. But that is another blog.
Did you know…
The second Saturday in September is usually a popular time for weddings. Not in 2004, as most couples did not want their anniversaries on September 11.
She posed the question “What reason will there be, if given circumstances, for them to remain as husband and wife?”
My quick answer was “It sounds like a marriage of convenience. I have seen more than one of those…and some last forever.” Granted, I could have expounded on this in the comments section, but to be honest, another person’s relationship is really none of my business.
I married for convenience. My first wife (Teri) and I married for convenience. Before judging me, let me explain. I was a 19 year old male living in Limestone, Maine under the auspice of serving in the Air Force. The male to female ratio for that area at the time was about 6 men to every 1 female. So, as a male in my sexual prime, any female was a target for my flashing good looks…well, at least my sense of humor.
Teri came to the Air Force base as my subordinate. She was in another relationship with a girlfriend back in her home town (a totally different blog) and as the week moved on, we became fast friends. We were both living in the dormitory so, dorm life was not great for…well…sex.
We devised a plan. You see, military married to military actually receive more money than military married to civilian. Additionally, as I mentioned, I was in my sexual prime. We married, moved off base, and brought in more money. These are MY reasons for marrying Teri. Her reasons were pretty much the same with the addition of the fact she had a previous girlfriend prior to the Don’t Ask / Don’t Tell policy taking affect. Thus, three weeks after meeting, a marriage of convenience. We were married from 1986 until her death in 1999. Yes, I loved her.
Eiprhylle responded to my comment with “I don't know if it's going to be a marriage for convenience, they're both American Citizens.” As you can see, there is more than one type of marriage for convenience.
People marry for convenience all of the time. Couples marry to hide from their friends, family, company the fact that they are homosexual. The discrimination still exists against homosexuality and as long as there are bible thumping purists, it will continue. Society is attempting to lighten the chains holding down homosexuality being accepted in business and community life, but the prejudice is still very strong right now.
People marry to keep from being alone. This occurs most often in insecure people who are afraid they will not have someone around to bury them when they die. Even if the person they are marrying is not really a person they like, they marry them with the hope that the person will either change, or they will learn to live them just as they are.
People are married to please their families. This is also called arranged marriages and YES, this still takes place. Actually, I have known several people who have married in an arranged marriage. The parents line everything up and more often than not, the bride and groom are not introduced until either the day before or during the wedding. Sometimes, the bride does not join her husband for a few months after the wedding (I know someone doing that now).
Some of these weddings do not work out. Most do though. I would bet if a survey was completed on marriages of convenience versus marriages of love, you would find the marriage of convenience have a higher percentage of continuing. Granted, they may not be in a happy, sexual, loving relationship, but they are lasting because the fundamental reasons for marrying have not changed.
What I do know, is that most of these marriages of convenience find love. I believe that most of the problems in marriages are because there is not an agreement in the fundamental circumstances. Love can only carry you so far if your spouse spends money like it grows on trees and you are killing yourself trying to stay out of debt (another set of friends I know who have since divorced).
I am lucky. Teri helped me find the Queen. The Queen and I agree on the fundamentals and also have love. I feel I have the best of both worlds.
This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Who are we to judge? Who are we to interfere in another person’s life? My belief is that we are all in a life journey to better ourselves in the Great Spirit as a whole. If this includes living a life of homosexuality, or marrying for convenience, that is fine.
As long as we are not causing harm to others, what does it matter if people have arranged marriage? By trying to guide another person’s life path, we can do tremendous harm.
We as a society need to show a lot more understanding and a little less judgment. Society has made some tremendous changes in the past as far as Women’s rights, racism, sexual preference, religious persecution, but we have a long way to go. But that is another blog.
Did you know…
The second Saturday in September is usually a popular time for weddings. Not in 2004, as most couples did not want their anniversaries on September 11.
Comments
I really enjoyed your point of view. I will be back to check you out again. Thanks for having me.