My Name is John
I should change my name. I know I am nearly 40 and that this would be a very odd time to change my name, but why not? Anyone can change their name at any time in their life. If you named your child Moonbeam and she is really more of a Muffy, change it.
One would think with such a long history of John's in the world that it would be held in high regard. John the Apostle, John the Baptist, Saint John, 23 Pope Johns, and 12 rulers named John. So, why change it?
Through most of my childhood, I have learned that my name has other meanings than just identifying the most wonderful person in the world, me.
Take for instance:
Prostitution. The term John is used for the person requesting or paying the prostitute for sexual favors.
Abusing a cat. In Southwest Texas, if you shake a cat violently you will John a cat.
Male genetalia. Why? For some reason the most often form of describing male genetalia is the John.
Ending a relationship. Were there really enough males being dumped that they have to term every letter a Dear John letter?
The Toilet. I am constantly harassed about this one. Why oh why did the toilet have to have the John nickname? For anyone who reads this regularly (which there are few), you know I tend to research things.
It appears the toilet form of John is due to Sir John Harrington inventor of the toilet in 1596. A common misconception is that the toilet was invented by Thomas Crapper (also known as the crapper and not the Thomas). Thomas Crapper just made improvements to the toilet.
To add to this punishment, someone decided that the outhouse or portable outhouse should be called a porta-John. Unfortunately I have been in a few porta-pottys. I have even duct taped people into a porta-potty and gone to lunch (he called it a John). Doesn't anyone think that naming items after a name is disparaging?
This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Since it so hard to change society's name for item or actions, change your own name. This makes it much more complicated for the government to follow up behind you and creditors have a fit! If you change it weekly, imagine the mayhem! For all of you doubting Thomases, Uncle Toms, Peeping Toms, Dons, Don Juans, and Micks, have a cup of Joe made by any Joe Blow, Average Joe, or any other Tom, Dick and Harry, go to the name-change office fill out the form to have your name changed to Oscar. I am sure they will name an award after you.
If you need me I will be in the John taking a G.W. Oh, the picture is an outdoor urinal at Charing Cross in London. I know, you are thinking "Jesus Christ! Who is going to whip it out and pee in the middle of the mall?"
Did you know...
The California Department of Motor Vehicles has issued six driver's licenses to six different people named Jesus Christ.
One would think with such a long history of John's in the world that it would be held in high regard. John the Apostle, John the Baptist, Saint John, 23 Pope Johns, and 12 rulers named John. So, why change it?
Through most of my childhood, I have learned that my name has other meanings than just identifying the most wonderful person in the world, me.
Take for instance:
Prostitution. The term John is used for the person requesting or paying the prostitute for sexual favors.
Abusing a cat. In Southwest Texas, if you shake a cat violently you will John a cat.
Male genetalia. Why? For some reason the most often form of describing male genetalia is the John.
Ending a relationship. Were there really enough males being dumped that they have to term every letter a Dear John letter?
The Toilet. I am constantly harassed about this one. Why oh why did the toilet have to have the John nickname? For anyone who reads this regularly (which there are few), you know I tend to research things.
It appears the toilet form of John is due to Sir John Harrington inventor of the toilet in 1596. A common misconception is that the toilet was invented by Thomas Crapper (also known as the crapper and not the Thomas). Thomas Crapper just made improvements to the toilet.
To add to this punishment, someone decided that the outhouse or portable outhouse should be called a porta-John. Unfortunately I have been in a few porta-pottys. I have even duct taped people into a porta-potty and gone to lunch (he called it a John). Doesn't anyone think that naming items after a name is disparaging?This brings me to my point (as I almost always have one). Since it so hard to change society's name for item or actions, change your own name. This makes it much more complicated for the government to follow up behind you and creditors have a fit! If you change it weekly, imagine the mayhem! For all of you doubting Thomases, Uncle Toms, Peeping Toms, Dons, Don Juans, and Micks, have a cup of Joe made by any Joe Blow, Average Joe, or any other Tom, Dick and Harry, go to the name-change office fill out the form to have your name changed to Oscar. I am sure they will name an award after you.
If you need me I will be in the John taking a G.W. Oh, the picture is an outdoor urinal at Charing Cross in London. I know, you are thinking "Jesus Christ! Who is going to whip it out and pee in the middle of the mall?"
Did you know...
The California Department of Motor Vehicles has issued six driver's licenses to six different people named Jesus Christ.
Comments
That's OK... With the name Mary Jo, I've found that it's probably the most un-memorable name ever. I've had people call me every name in the book -- Betty Lou, Mary Jane, Bobbie Jo, you name it. They just can't remember Mary Jo - Hence my deciding that Emjay is just fine for me!
I guess you'll just have to stick to Tantonka :o)